I sit and recalibrate.
Remember who I was before.
Who I have become
Who I want to be.
Who I remain.

I am not that big,
Not that smart,
Not entirely motivated all the time,
But I’m fierce,
I’ll rip your face off with my energy,
I’ll pull your facade down with my tenacity,
I’ll smash the preconceived notions
That I have it better than the rest of them
That I have more time to make it happen
That I have more money or more support
That I have it easier and that’s why I’m able to push through.
But that’s all bullshit and they know it too.

I’m strong because I want to be,
Not because of the circumstances,
I am lucky as hell, though.
But I use it.
I work hard because I want to,
Not because of who told me to
Or who’s standing in front of me that I want to impress.
I work hard to astound myself.

People say I have it better
But I suffer at the bottom with the rest.
The only difference is
I’m in my corner chipping away at the wall of my cell block,
While the others focus on every cell but theirs
And how they can steal within the cell.
And how they can get it easier without having to go through the trouble.
Without having to pay the money.
Without having to put in the time.

I’m busting out of the cell,
That’s the difference,
I’m not confined to the barriers put in front of me.
I defy all odds and greet everyday with a “Hell yeah,” and a “Fuck you too”
Sometimes both together.

The Fuck You Too days take my time up more than the Hell Yeahs.
They are the ones that push me until I’m blue in the face,
The ones trying to make me feel something
Or make sense of what the hell just happened.
But I don’t usually find out the reasoning until months, maybe years after.
I trust I will see it eventually, and that is why I do it.
I know it will pay me back.
It is as relentless and batshit crazy as I am.
A rubber band of kindness, reverberating in years to come from all the deeds done today.

The Hell Yeahs are worth every penny but come few and far between.
They consume you while you are in them but last shorter than the rest.
They sometimes stop you dead in your tracks during the Hell Yeah time,
Bringing you back to the Fuck You Too Days, taking you down once again.

I will live for the Hell Yeahs but will normalize to the Fuck You Too.

Fuck you, too.