Dr. Stay-At-Home Mom: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Broken System.

Life has swallowed me up so much as I work on being a more involved mother, forming better habits, and breaking into the writing industry, that I have neglected to post about work. Fear not – I have been drawn back to the humming sounds of the office printer and the high-pitched squeals of employees begging for help (and sanity) and have been inspired to write this post about work benefits and how I lost a ton of money and support when I became a stay-at-home mother, aka a dinosaur supervisor.

A wise person once told me if a problem or dilemma is brought up three times in a given period by three different people, then that is a problem worth paying attention to. This past week I had three different discussions with three different people, two of which were acquaintances, and one a tremendous friend. Out of these three people, two were mothers and one was a seasoned father. Biased group, but what the hell, let’s talk about it anyway.

Break a leg (but only if you work full-time)

Way back when (what feels like eons ago but was no more than seven months ago) I was a marionette for the wealthy and powerful, I had a vast portfolio of kush benefits from my employer. This array of insurances covered my and my family’s lives; our health, teeth, eyes, cars, pets, home, daycare, chronic illnesses that might be lurking in the dark, and even accidents that we kind of knew were going to happen but clenched our teeth in anticipation for if and when they would happen (like my child falling headfirst off of a kitchen chair on to the hardwood…yup). If anything crazy happened, or if one of my children stuck a crayon up their nose without me seeing it, we were covered financially.

Ah, when we had those benefits, life was good. Or was it? Looking back at that time, it was a stressful period of life, and I do not believe my newborn or toddler children were the main contributors to hair-pulling anxiety. Lest we forget I also had to sell my soul to get those benefits – I sacrificed so much for the damn benefits, including beautiful moments such as spending time with my family, following my passions, reading books regularly, exercising on a healthy basis, and making my own decisions in any given situation.

Come to think of it, the incidents that were then covered by the luxurious insurance might have been occurring more frequently because of the long hours and multiple balls in the air. Similar to the Tootsie Pop theory, the world will never know.

No soup for you (when you are sick). You cannot afford it.

When I left my role at the hospital, I also said sayonara to my benefits, but I did not say goodbye to the company itself. However, I still work for them off and on, about twenty hours per month, because that is about all my mental capacity can stand.

I tried working more, but raising two children and following dreams takes a lot out of me, and I make mistakes at work if I overextend at home, which can lead to killing someone unintentionally, which I try to avoid at all costs both inside and outside of work. So I told myself to stop working for them so much because no one needed to die from a mistyped unit of blood or an inaccurate lab result that happened because a working mother could not keep her eyes open after a long day at home with her children. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place: Work more and make errors, or work less and go broke. Choices.

Because I chose to step back and work less, I am not eligible for benefits. The rule is that you have to be working full-time to receive benefits, part-time workers have to pay about $10K a year for family health insurance (as much as my husband’s benefits cost, so it was not worth it for me to go part-time and put the girls back in daycare), and per diem employees (what I now am) get zero benefits with the exception of the pension (which I am grateful for).

A handful of people would say this benefits structure makes sense – you have to work your hours to get your benefits. What I see is a huge gaping blind spot that is invisible to the naked eye, the kind of hidden snack only mothers can spot in the pantry.

Here are the questions I have for the corporations with people who had to cut their hours because of life events:

1. Have you thought about the caretakers that cannot work full-time but still need benefits?
2. Do you want to be the company that supports their people no matter how many hours they put in or do you want to be the company that requires full-time hours in order to get reasonably-priced health benefits? Let’s say someone is holding multiple, part-time jobs, probably a single mother or someone who never got the opportunity to go to college because it costs Elon Musk’s annual salary to do so, don’t you want to be THE employer that supports them with benefits? If they choose to switch jobs, chances are they will not drop you from their list since you are treating them like the amazing and overworked human they are. Let them work their multiple jobs at least knowing they are covered if something happens to their health.
3. What about the people that sacrificed their careers to spend time with their family? Right now it feels like we are punishing them for choosing happiness. They leave their toxic workplaces only to find that the doctor’s visit that once cost $50 now costs $350, thus deterring said people from maintaining health for fear of a large bill they cannot pay because they are too busy shoveling money into groceries for their gremlins?

I Got Bills in Low Places

I need to be honest and face reality – this post is not about my employer or any employer for that matter, the real cause of this post is the American health system; you know it, I know it, let’s face it, it’s terrible. Other countries with universal healthcare understand that health is a right, not a privilege. Similar to how people should not have to pay to use the restroom, I, nor you or your family, should not have to pay to be healthy and survive this tricky, relentless, and joyous game of life. Sure, we need to be accountable for our health by taking measures to prevent illness and accidents, but if I get cancer, have a baby, or become diagnosed with an illness out of my control, that, my friends, should be covered, with minimal financial damage to my pocket and yours.

I now am under my husband’s health insurance, and it is ridiculously expensive and covers very little. Still worth it to see my family more.

Would you rather

Would you rather get a wart removed or push a baby out of your vagina?

I would rather get a wart removed.

But wait! What if it cost you $400 to get the wart removed and only $200 to push the baby out of the vajayjay?

Wait, I want to change my answer. I want to have the baby instead.

That scenario happened to me because I lost my benefits with the employer I currently work for. And because American health insurance is complicated, unreasonable, and not in the best interest of anyone except for those on yachts.

And maternal and paternal benefits are lacking. There, I said it. There is little to no support for those who are building the future of the world. I want to have a third baby, but I cannot afford it. I will have a third baby, you watch me, and I will go even broker doing it, but it will be worth it. And I will not go back to work full time in order to be covered financially to have the third baby. I refuse to see my family less.

Support those who support others.

I could have just written those five words instead of going on this rant.